Mary Boone

Fini

It was like a door inside of me had closed.

I understood and accepted what the deal was.

I accepted that there was no way that I was going to get into Mary’s gallery.

Not now, anyway.

Suddenly, it was like, I didn’t even know if I really wanted to.

It’s a lot of work to keep throwing yourself up against that sophisticated world. Even to just do it in your head is exhausting.

And I’m running out of money. I need to start selling work soon, just to survive.

Saving the world through a big money gallery will have to wait for now.

But then what was this project about?

I mean, there were times, most of the time, when I was so confident that I would succeed at this, that I couldn’t make myself believe that all my dreams would not come true. The vision was just so compelling: the thought of my thought intermingling with all the others out there in a big way.

Am I that crazy? Am I that out of touch with reality?

Truth is, there is a lot of truth in everything I have said and done here. My motivation was, and always will be, incredibly pure.

And if you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t do anything.

It was good that I believed.

It is good that this record of my belief, and resultant actions, now stands.

This entire website is an outgrowth of the Mary Boone Writings.

The Mary Boone Writings are like a painting I did. It’s another one of my projects, with a beginning, and now an end.

Still, I had to close it out.

I had thought to go to Mary’s gallery next week, but I was painting one day and the thought occurred to me that now is the time.

It was Good Friday, a good time to get crucified.

So I put The Cards and the new essays in a Duane Reade bag and headed off to meet with Mary.

There was no receptionist at the front desk.

I can’t say that I had a deep reaction to the work that was hanging on her walls.

They were in a meeting in the back office.

I walked to the entrance, and they all looked at me. Mary looked at me.

I told them that I was Tim Folzenlogen, and that I had spoken to Mary a few weeks earlier on the phone, and that she had said it was okay for me to introduce myself the next time I was in the gallery.

So I said hello.

Mary said hello.

Uncomfortable looks all around.

I said I was sorry for interrupting their meeting.

Mary said it was no problem.

I said goodbye.

***********

I’m thinking to float for the time being.
My thoughts, as to what to do next, seem to change day by day.

Mostly, I’m thinking I don’t want to limit myself.

Maybe, ultimately, Mary Boone is something of a fence that I didn’t need.

Maybe there is a better and quicker way.

An easier way.

So I’m floating for now.

Giving the universe a chance to speak.

 
Tim Folzenlogen
April 6, 2002